


Letters from an idiot to a clotpole

by vortexofdeduction



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Pining, Pining Merlin, Self-Indulgent, and instead of telling him like a normal person, as in I wrote this because there's someone I like who I don't think likes me back, i write this fic and live vicariously through the characters, like i said this is a self-indulgent fic, not necessarily a well written one, so it might be a bit ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-17 22:44:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4684091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vortexofdeduction/pseuds/vortexofdeduction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sure that his love for Arthur is unrequited, Merlin begins writing letters that he thinks Arthur will never see (but at the same time he kind of hopes Arthur will see them. It's a bit of a problem.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Merlin sighed. He dipped the quill in ink and began to write.

_Dear Arthur,_

No, that was too formal. He started again.

_My clotpole,_

Too intimate.

_Your royal pratness,_

Yes, much better.

 

_Your royal pratness,_

_I would say this to your ~~beautiful~~  face, but I know I'd end up just standing there blabbering and you'd look at me like I'm a complete idiot.  ~~If anyone's the idiot, you are.~~  Even on paper, my words are slow and clumsy. That's me, Merlin the idiot.  ~~An idiot to think you would ever fall for someone like me.~~  But that's not what I'm trying  ~~and failing~~  to talk about. Remember that time when Gwaine was with us at the tavern (shut up, you know I don't go to the tavern half as often as you think) and he kept teasing us? He was going on and on about how we must be sleeping together and if we weren't we should get our heads out of our arses and start dating already. And then we both denied it all, right? As I recall, you punched him in the face  ~~with those incredibly strong arms of yours~~. We were just friends at the time, I know, but um, now... you're even more of an insufferable prat  ~~and I love it~~. Somehow, though, you're still  ~~really hot~~  great. I know it's not my position to be ordering you around, but if you want to, maybe we could, I don't know, go on a picnic together or something? I mean, it doesn't have to be a picnic. Just  ~~the two of us alone together~~  something enjoyable for both of us. So, let me know what you think._

_-Merlin_

Merlin crumpled up the letter and threw it across the room. He didn't know why he bothered, it's not like he would ever say any of these things. All the same, it felt good to let it out, even if no-one else would read it. He started a new letter.

 

_Clotpole,_

_You'll never read this, so I'm not going to bother with pretending. I like you. And I don't mean as a friend, though you've been a ~~terrible~~  brilliant friend. I can't describe exactly what I feel for you, but I know it's more than platonic. I haven't said anything because I don't think that you like me back  ~~because you treat me so poorly and are really mean sometimes~~. I mean, I don't even know if you like guys  ~~actually nevermind, I've seen the way you look at some of the knights when you get really drunk and think no-one's paying attention~~. But even if you don't like me back, I still need to tell you how I feel. It's killing me to stay quiet when I look at you every day. It hurts to have a normal conversation when all I can think about is how much I want you. Stop ruining my life  ~~or at least become a more intimate part of it~~. I really hate you sometimes, you arrogant cabbage head._

_-Merlin_

Another crumpled letter never to be read, another mess Merlin would have to clean up. But right now he was busy.

 

_Arthur,_

_You are really hot and I've had a crush on you for a very long time and I just want to be with you and I know it sounds stupid of me but I'm hoping you like me and if you don't I will be very sad but I don't want to bother you and it's okay if you don't like me back because you are your own amazing person which is part of why I like you so much but please I really want to date you well I mean that too but let's be honest I also really wanna have sex with you like it's driving me crazy how much I like you and I care about you so much actually I don't just like you I love you so I really really hope that you love me back and I don't know why I'm writing this you'll never read it but at the same time I really want you to read it and it would be even better if I could say it but I can never say anything because you'll laugh at me and then I'll hate you except I could never hate you so I'll just hate myself and be heartbroken which is why I'll never tell you but I want to so badly because I like you so much and I just don't know what to do and..._

"MERLIN!" Merlin jumped up in surprise. Before he could hide all the letters, Arthur walked into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a way for me to let out my feelings about someone I know irl (who doesn't know my ao3 username, I'm pretty sure). Because people want me to continue, I'll keep writing and living vicariously through the characters.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story continues due to popular demand! Glad you guys like it.

Merlin slowly turned to face Arthur.

"Wipe that stupid expression off your face and get over here. Hurry up,  _Mer_ -lin. I told you we need to get ready for the hunt, but did you listen? No. Because you're the most useless manservant I've ever had. Honestly, I don't know why I put up with you." Arthur paused for a moment, looking around the room, and Merlin held his breath. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get me changed into my hunting clothes!" Merlin nodded.

* * *

 

"Idiot. Of course I should have known he's the most unhelpful, unobservant, unintelligent..."

"Did you say something, Merlin?"

"Of course not, sire."

"Well, be quiet. I don't need you to scare all the animals off."

"Yes, you do that well enough yourself," Merlin mumbled again.

"Shut up, Merlin."

* * *

 

"Merlin, what's wrong? You haven't said anything to me since that morning in the forest. Are you mad at me?" Merlin continued polishing Arthur's armor. Arthur's voice softened. "Is it something I did? Merlin!"

"Actually, I was wondering if I might request leave for the rest of the day." Arthur stared. "I'm uh... not feeling well."

Arthur looked around. "You seem to have finished most of your chores. Go ahead; I'll get George to do the rest." Merlin ran out of the room. "I expect to see you all the earlier tomorrow morning!" Arthur called after him.

* * *

 

"Merlin, it's not even dark outside yet! What are you doing in the tavern?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Ah, you know me, raging alcoholic and all," Gwaine said, smiling. "But seriously, what brings you here? Arthur let you get off work?"

"He thinks I'm ill," Merlin answered, looking at the ground.

"Are you?"

Merlin shook his head. "But I wasn't exactly lying when I told him I wasn't feeling well."

"What's up." It wasn't a question.

Merlin sat down. "So um... me and Arthur..."

Gwaine's face lit up. "Did you guys finally do it?"

"No!" Merlin shook his head slowly. "No. But um... I kind of want to. Okay, more than kind of. I really like him, and that... clotpole has no idea! I don't think he even likes me."

Gwaine frowned. "How do you know he doesn't like you if you won't even talk to him?"

"You really think it's that easy? I can barely talk to him about impersonal things! And whenever he talks to me or looks at me or anything, I can't stop thinking about how much I want him and my imagination becomes almost filthy enough to rival yours so if that's how I feel during a normal conversation, how could I possibly manage to get my thoughts together to actually tell him..." Merlin glared at Gwaine. "Don't give me that look! I'm suffering here!"

Gwaine tried (and failed) to wipe the smug grin off his face. "I'm sorry. Tell you what, I'll win him over for you. I'll..."

"If you tell him..." there was no mistaking the threat in Merlin's voice.

"No, of course I won't tell him you like him. That's your job, Merlin. When I say I'll win him over for you, I mean I have certain... methods to get him to fall for you."

"NO!" Several people turned to look at Merlin. "No," he said a little more quietly. "I know you too well. And besides, I want to do this by myself."

"By which you mean you'll keep sulking about it and never actually say anything to him."

"Even if that's what I choose to do, I still don't want you to interfere." Gwaine opened his mouth. "That's final."

"MERLIN!" Arthur stepped into the tavern.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah! Sorry, Merlin, for inflicting my pain on you.   
> (Readers, don't worry, the story will continue.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I said I was going to continue it, and then I didn't like where the story was going and found it hard to write the angst. So, here is the conclusion. (Disclaimer again: this is really just to release my feelings, not an attempt to write well)

Merlin slid down his chair, so that he was almost sitting on the ground.

"Don't ignore me, Merlin! I saw you!" Merlin said nothing. "I swear, the next time I catch you in the tavern..." Merlin stood up.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry? I catch you like this and all you give me is 'sorry'? Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"You can yell at me, but it's not fair to the people in the tavern to yell at me here."

"Yeah, I think the two of you should take your argument to Arthur's room!" Merlin glared at Gwaine.

"We'll take this argument elsewhere, but don't think I'll go easy on you,  _Mer_ -lin."

"I suppose you'd want him to be hard, anyway," Gwaine whispered, earning him another glare from Merlin.

"Come on,  _Mer_ -lin! Or am I going to have to carry you? Here, I'll lead you like a little child so you don't get lost." Merlin stared at Arthur's outstretched hand, then took it. Gwaine winked.

* * *

Merlin stood in the room, head bowed. Arthur opened his mouth to speak, and Merlin flinched. Arthur looked at Merlin. "I was going to punish you, but it seems we have a slightly bigger concern here. Do you want to talk about it?" Merlin looked at floor, glancing around the room. "George did a quite thorough job of cleaning. He's a good servant, but a useless companion. I hope I won't be stuck with him for the rest of my time." Merlin shook his head. "That's what I'm going to have to do if you can't talk to me and follow orders. There are actual things that need to get done here."

"Did George find any letters?" Merlin asked tentatively.

"He did say he put some papers on my desk to read. I haven't gotten to them yet." Merlin nodded. "How about you re-organize my clothes so you can actually find them when it's time for you to dress me, I'll read those papers, and then maybe we can talk?" Merlin nodded.

* * *

Arthur walked over to Merlin. "I had no idea."

"You usually don't have any ideas."

" _Mer-_ lin, is insulting people usually the way you show affection? Because now I'm starting to see why you've never had a successful relationship."  
"Or maybe it's because I'm still focused on a certain insufferable prat."

"So, do you still want to go on a picnic and insult me?"

"It doesn't all have to be insults. And yes."

"Well, tomorrow is one of the few free days in my schedule. I think it would be a great day for a picnic. Now, finish up here and I'll see you in the morning." Merlin smiled and saw Arthur smile back. It was a good day.


End file.
